Kill All Americans Now

October 1, 2008

Dear Central Intelligence Agency,

Now that I have your attention, allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Matt Goias. I think I would make an awesome secret agent and you should totally holler at me about entering the world of international espionage.

I feel that I have many qualifications that would make me a great spy. First of all, I’m not very memorable looking. I’m the kind of guy who can blend in so well that I often meet people many, many times and they never even remember that we have met previously. That kinda thing is good for getting info and assassinating and shit like that.

Secondly, I am a US Army JROTC certified expert marksman. I am a great shot with a rifle and or pistol.

Thirdly, I look great in a suit and sunglasses, however, I do not feel that I currently have too many opportunities to wear suits. Being an international spy would be the perfect reason to break out some of my fine menswear.

Last but not least, I love travel. I would have no problem traveling to exotic locales on a moments notice.

This is why you should hire me to be a really cool spy or secret agent or something.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Matt Goias

(You probably already know how to get in touch with me)

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