My Strip Club Book

December 27, 2008

riviera-crazy-girls-bronze

A few years ago I began writing an epic book about strip clubs, The Ultimate Strip Club Guide. It’s a major work in progress and not totally finished yet because I’m being a psycho perfectionist about it. I feel like if I’m gonna do it, it seriously has to be the end-all book on American strip clubs.

Anyway, in the weeks and weeks while I was writing and “researching” the book, I observed some interesting things in my notes and started making funny sidebar lists, facts, and anecdotes based on the  data I had collected for the book. Here is a small example.

 

NOT GAY!!!

Here are some unfortunately named strip clubs with names that make them sound like gay bars. I swear, despite their names, these are strip clubs and not gay bars.

Bear Chest Lounge – Beloit, WI

Big Daddy’s – New Orleans, LA

Big Earl’s Goldmine – Des Moines, IA

Bookem Dano’s – Denison, IA

Chez Joey – Baltimore, MD

Cockatoo Club – Yankton, SD

Cruisin Chubby’s – Wisconsin Dells, WI

Dandy Dan’s – Denver, CO

Foxx Hole – Tulsa, OK

Gladiator Bar – Gilbert, MN

Glo-Worm Lounge – South Bend, IN

Mary’s Club – Portland, OR

Maverick’s – Sioux City, IA

Men’s Club of Houston – Houston, TX

Mens Club – Flint, MI

Michael’s International – Houston, TX

Neon Cowboy – Byron, GA

Partners Tavern – Erie, PA

Peacock – Winner, SD

Pirate’s Cove – Aberdeen, SD

Scuttlebutt Lounge – Slidell, LA

Second Street Slammer – Hastings, NE

Shotgun Willie’s – Laurel, MT

Shotgun Willie’s – Rapid City, SD

Skippers Club – Warren, OH

The Lumber Yard – Des Moines, IA

Tool Box – Ogden, UT

Tootsie’s Cabaret – Miami, FL 

 

RUNNING NUMBERS

US strip clubs called “Teasers” – 159

US strip clubs with “Fox” in their name – 258

Cost of a table dance in Inver Grove Heights, Minnesota – $1

Number of totally nude clubs in the state of Utah – 0

Dollars spent on lap dances by Matt Goias while writing this book-$158,643

Strip clubs in Portland, Oregon – 36

US strip clubs with “Dolls” in their name – 384

Strip clubs owned by Luke Skywalker of 2 Live Crew – 3

Strip clubs with official bans on “gang clothing” – 3

Number of strip clubs describing their food as “5 star dining” – 89

Strip clubs with the word “Crazy” in their name – 213

Percentage of strippers who are, indeed, crazy – 100

Number of Idaho clubs describing themselves as “Best in Idaho” – 6

Number of strip clubs in Idaho – 6

 

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7 Responses to “My Strip Club Book”

  1. Chips Says:

    There’s a club named the Golden Banana in Saugus, MA… I thought it was a gay club for years

  2. Chips Says:

    There’s a club named the Golden Banana in Saugus, MA… I thought it was a gay club for years

  3. Matt Goias Says:

    Awesome. That’s a good one. I need to look into that place.

  4. Matt Goias Says:

    Awesome. That’s a good one. I need to look into that place.

  5. buster Says:

    I have driven by Scuttlebutts in Slidell on a trip from Austin to NY and it has become a regularly used point of reference for us. My friend always says, “Scuttlebutts: they’re pretty when your drunk.”

  6. buster Says:

    I have driven by Scuttlebutts in Slidell on a trip from Austin to NY and it has become a regularly used point of reference for us. My friend always says, “Scuttlebutts: they’re pretty when your drunk.”

  7. thenakedlife Says:

    I am working on a similar project:
    http://www.thenakedlife.wordpress.com


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